Cheers

Happy New Year!

Silver Moon

I entered Silver Moon in the General Catergory of the Chris Austin Songwriting Contest at Merlefest. My parents and my sisters sponsored songs---It costs $30. a song to enter and I wanted to enter more than one song.
I want to get in and play on the big stage again.
I think I'm finally ready to jump back into life. Sam Moss is and was my friend. He's dead and gone, and life goes on.
Sam is playing electric guitar on this rendition of Silver Moon. Troy Pierce is on drums, Randall Johnson is on stand-up bass, and I'm on acoustic guitar and vocals. It was our band KD Rouse & the Dirty Boys. We recorded a 22 song double album we call The Unfinished Symphony.

Silver Moon c.2003 KD Rouse
Looking like a troubled Mozart he laid across the bed
Pondering the undeniable war inside his head
One gave him a reason/The other wished him dead
In silent conversation he chose the words in red

Silver Moon/Golden Sun
Same that shines on everyone
To be or not to be undone
Close your eyes to see the mighty river run

He looked across the room and saw his own reflection
Saw the tremor in his hands and other imperfections
He saw how deep his eyes and doubted his perceptions
Until he realized the answer in the question

Silver Moon/Golden Sun
Same that shines on everyone
To be or not to be undone
Close your eyes to see the mighty river run

A mental toast to changing minds/Grateful for sensation
The sun will set/ The sun will rise like the weary to elation
A worthy enterprise to rise to the occasion
For all who live and die without a calculation

Silver Moon/Golden Sun
Same that shines on everyone
To be or not to be undone
Close your eyes to see the mighty river run

Estelle

Estelle is one of my favorite songs. How can the judges resist?
I keep thinking let me in, let me in. I 'm going to win.
I am going to get in and win. Get in. Win.
I want to be on that stage singing one of my songs to a sea of music loving faces.
It has to be my year.
They choose 3 finalists in each of 4 categories. I am entering Estelle in the country division.
Estelle by KD Rouse

I Want To Win The Chris Austin Songwriting Contest

I think I'll win but I have to get in first.
The Chris Austin Songwriting Contest is held every year at Merlefest in Wilkesboro, NC. MerleFest
I've entered every year for the past 7 or so years.
I think it's my year.

Where Have You Been, KD?

Where have I been?

Oh, here and there.

Mostly just thinking.

Smash House and Other Helpful Games to Play

Smash House! It's a place I go when I am ready to jump out of my skin with angst. I smash dishes and shove TV's out the 3rd story window. I knock out walls with a sledge hammer and make fire-wood out of the chairs with my chainsaw. I sing my ditty: Smash House! It cheers me up every time. Smash vividly and there is no mess to clean.

Use the 'Squish Test' when people puzzle you and you can't figure out from whence they come. The Squish Test: Grab your enigma and squeeze. Squeeze as hard as you can and then some, until you see what comes out. If it's dust and ashes, the promises are empty. If it is an oily goo, you should probably run.

'About Face!' This is the name of the game when you have to change your direction rather abruptly. For example, I worked hard to get my college degree. I did well in school. But when I actually tried to teach: About Face!
I waited tables, a job much more suitable to Gypsy jugglers. It may look frivolous to the outside world, but I think the 'About Face' is crucial for survival.

My goal is to spend my days loving what I do, and doing what I love. I see that I have grown an orchard, which took time. I have fruits of many hues. I am famous for my fruit, but no one knows it yet. This is the life of the artist.

Bed of Roses MP3

Bed of Roses

You Can Get What You Want

1) Visualize it

2) Want it

3) Believe it is yours

My Children and My Delegation

Of all the things I have done, I am most proud of being a mother.
I rarely write about my children:
1) They are grown
2) They are so precious to me, my words never seem to suffice
3) I think they might not like it
4) I would never want them to not be able to share something with me for fear of it being in print
5) I prefer speaking to them directly instead of writing about them
6) Much of my writing is fueled by angst which not all of us have.
Cool-headed Katherine handles business.
KD is the one who flies free,who writes, and paints, and loves the stage. (And is angst-ridden)
Kathy is entirely unavailable. There is no outside world for her. We used to mean to her, I hate to confess, but you don't know how nerve wracking it is to be with someone who cries all the time. So it got better because we just gave her a rocking chair and gave her back her own special babies, and presto! The tears were gone.
Sam said he was lucky. He was the only one to meet Angel and Gypsy Nurse.
There are others. Each has a job to do.
The trickiest part is when two of you have to be in the same place at the same time.
I used to be always able to keep them apart until Sam.
He insisted and persisted until he met my sons and daughter.
KD and 'Mom' are from different worlds.
Sam was curious later why I was acting so strange.
My kids wondered the same thing.
When my sons started jamming with Sam, we all learned to accept a 'Mom,' me, that is also KD, me.
But at first I was discombobulated.

I designed several album covers. There will be a Sams album some day. We have an album in pieces in the studio, but none of us has had the heart to finish it yet.

Do you wear many faces?

Wear many faces, child, to keep things interesting.

Who am I?

I am my experience, my experiment.

I am the control and the variable.

Mind's Eye

Creating is like giving birth.

You must stop talking and let your creation burst forth from you like a secret.

More Questions

Why are we here?

Does everything happen for a reason?

People who believe everything happens for a reason are happier people.But are they happier because they find reason in everything after things happen, or is it true?

These things make me very curious

I Like Questions Like

What came first, the chicken or the egg?
What is the nature of GOD?
As a child I pictured a giant roaring through the skies on his throne, but when I was a child, I spake like a child, until it was time to put aside my childish ways.
So no zooming thrones, yet still I wonder, and wonder.
My views changed as I learned the Bible was written way after the crucifiction of Christ.
I pictured the Bible as a newspaper, and learned it was more like historical fiction.
And then I learn about Gilgamesh, and where does that leave Noah?

And More Faces

Faces

Faces

I've always liked faces.

It Was Fun While It Lasted/The Sams One Minute Movie on YouTube

The Sams First and Only Movie! The soundtrack is an excerpt from a spontaneous jam by Winston-Salem, NC band, The Sams. Visually, see what it is to be a Sam in a colorful and frenetic collage.

I like the sense of adventure and discovery that comes from playing guitar. I'd rather discover sounds I like than be taught. I'd rather jump into painting with both hands than learning all the rules which supposedly you cannot break if you do not know. I couldn't have been a musician or an artist if I had to be trained. To me, it would be like squeezing all the fun out of it.

For myself, I prefer to jump in and explore.

My roadblocks shaped me.

I wanted to sing, so I wanted to play guitar. I was frustrated trying to learn other people's songs, so I started writing my own. I had trouble using a guitar pick so I played with my fingers. I had trouble with paintbrushes so I painted with my fingers.

You can do things on your own terms if you keep the focus on what you can, rather than can't do, in any given situation.

The Sams

Doug Williams, KD Rouse, Dave Toaster Seward, Sam Moss

I Want Reba to Cover My Song Estelle

MP3: Estelle by KD Rouse c.1998

KD Rouse/Sam Moss

It was fun while it lasted

Intriguing Questions Fuel My Daydreams...

For example:

"Does everything happen for a reason?"

It's a big question disguised in 6 simple words.

"Why are we here?"

4 little words.

"Why?"

"Why Not?"

"How?"

1/2/1 word(s) that can keep you busy for a lifetime.

Sometimes

KD at Doug Williams Electromagnetic Radiation Recorder Studio
Working on the still unfinished 'The Sams' album

Ideas pour through me, but I've never been a big talker, except a rare sometimes.

I'd rather write.

I like the pace, and the way it clears my head when ideas cross and crissy-cross.

My guitar cords jump into a tangled mess. So too, my head unless I write lists upon lists, songs, and such.

Sometimes I'd rather sing you my answers and philosophies.

Sometimes I've gotten so full of music, I can't hold it all. Then I have painted in silence, letting the music swirl from my fingers until I can think straight.

KD Rouse paintings/KD at Sam Moss Guitar Shop Wintston-Salem, NC

On what doth thy ponder?

I was standing before the Keeper of the Gate at the Pearly Gates of Heaven, and I couldn't think of anything to say but TV jingles.

Uh-oh.

Yesterday I was smug

I was ecstatic.

I had finally discovered the secret to maintaining my bliss.

Finally! After all these years!

Today...

Well, today I discovered my secret needs some tweaking.

But I didn't jump out of the car while it was moving

I apologized for throwing Dr. Pepper in her face

And I did want to take a walk today

What's a measly seven miles?

Yesterday, it seemed so laughably easy.
Today, I am sore from my feet to my throat

Peace Out

The Sams, Winston-Salem, NC

Sam Moss, KD Rouse, Doug Williams, Dave Toaster Seward

Photo by Romulus Ray

Earth to KD! Where are you?

I've been thinking.

At first I was Jealous

Sam didn't come to me in my dreams like he did for all his other friends.
Me! KD!
Friend, BandMate, In and Out of Love, Smashing your guitar on my steps to get my attention, KD! We opened for Sister Hazel, Eric Johnson, Southern Culture on the Skids, and G-Love, KD, Remember, Sam?I am staring into space when I hear Sam clearly.
"Knock! Knock! Coconut Head! Come to the phone!"
"Don't boss me around", I say, but not with my old gusto, for I'm awfully glad to hear from him.
"You have the hardest #*&* head!" says Sam. "Nothing gets through!"
Sam explains that we can speak at anytime, just like we're doing.
"How do I know it's not just me talking to myself," I ask.
"What else is new," says Sam. "Coconut Head! Didn't you get my frog?"
"I thought that it might be just a coincidence," I sniff. "Although it did get my attention."
Miles of empty Carolina Beach, and while I cry and rage, I paw the sand into deep ruts around me. Then I feel something small and squishy in my hand.
It's a little frog.
A squishy, bright green, plastic frog with pop eyes. Very Sam.
Sam loved frogs. He called his beloved nieces 'the frogs' and thus had froggie this and thats everywhere in his house. The talk turned serious when I asked him why."I was a lot more sick than you knew," he said.
"But suicide?" I say. "Suicide?"
Sam says it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now 2 plus years later, I have no more tears.I've made peace with Sam and his decision.
"Peace, My Ass!" snorts Sam. "Now will you please get off your Ass and Jam!"

Sam Moss giving me, KD, "the Look," at band practice, 2006.

Solo, Band, Solo, Band, Solo, Band

BOOM!

It was fun while it lasted:I will miss Sam Moss every day of my life, but it's not like I knew what to do with him when he was alive.

Once upon a time

I learned not to be all at the same place all at the same time.

You can live many lives if you keep them apart.

I like getting older because you have more time to think, and to do things.

It's a balancing act, and if you live long enough, you can learn to dance on the wire....

Or leap.

'Leap' by KD Rouse

KD Rouse

Woman of many faces.

Once I was a lumbering amoeba.

Now I fly like a bird.